001 CNN's report A-bombs to pressure cookers

WMD: A-bombs to pressure cookers
Husband's alleged plan to bomb the Boston Marathon on April 15.
alleged = aledged

How do you miss a spouse's 'secret life'?
What's clear: 
Katherine Russell claims she was completely in the dark about her husband's alleged plan to bomb the Boston Marathon on April 15.

What's unclear: 
How could she not know?

Russell and Tamerlan Tsarnaev were married on June 21, 2010. She was raised in a Christian household in North Kingstown, Rhode Island, but converted to Islam after meeting her husband while attending Suffolk University.

She worked as a home health aide and would often leave their toddler daughter with her husband while she went to work.

"The reports of involvement by her husband and brother-in-law came as an absolute shock ..." Russell's lawyer said in a statement. "As a mother, a sister, a daughter, a wife, Katie deeply mourns the pain and loss to innocent victims -- students, law enforcement, families and our community."

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There are plenty of open questions surrounding the Tsarnaev brothers' alleged terrorist plot, but this one is glaring: How did Katherine Russell miss signs that her husband was poised to dive off the deep end?

When we think "double life," we think about affairs, tax evasion, even pedophilia and rape, says Dr. Gail Saltz, the author of "Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie," but in the United States a terror plot seems relatively far-fetched.

Psychology experts say that while the signs vary depending on the nature of the "secret life," there are clear markers to look for in a loved one who might be harboring violent or harmful tendencies.

These include, but are not limited to: moody outbursts, paranoia, hidden financial transactions, increasing extremism, emotional abandonment and complaints of feeling victimized.

While there is still much to be learned about the transformation of Tamerlan Tsarnaev from aspiring Olympic boxer to apparent jihadist, there were some indications of instability.

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Tsarnaev was apparently a follower of extreme religious teachings, did not assimilate into his adopted country and had been previously arrested and accused of domestic abuse (it is not clear whether the complainant was Katherine Russell or another woman.)

"He was somebody who was not able to make an adjustment," Saltz says.

Friends of Russell describe her husband as "controlling," "manipulative" and "combative." She began dressing very conservatively after converting, including the hijab or traditional covering for the hair and neck of Muslim women.

If Tsarnaev was combative in front of friends, Saltz says, he was likely even more confrontational in the privacy of their home. Physical or verbal abuse can combine with other signs to indicate that a spouse is interacting with the world in unhealthy ways.

A spouse or relative who is attempting to hide behaviors might create physical and emotional distance, have unexpected outbursts or opinions, or squirrel away money and spend it without consent.

People in relationships are entitled to do things on their own, according to Saltz, but a secret life is "one that harms the people they love."

While no one size fits all, Lisa Brateman, a New York-based psychotherapist and relationship specialist, says characteristics of people in denial about their partner's true self include: low self-esteem, rationalization, a sense of helplessness, and being passive, submissive and dependent.

Ruth Madoff, whose husband is now serving a 150-year prison sentence for perpetrating the largest financial fraud in history, stood by him during the trial and even tried to commit suicide with him after his $65 billion corruption was exposed